Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Couch. On fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.