To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old