Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
