Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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