at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.