If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
