bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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