walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
