Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
