i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.