You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
