After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
