girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
