We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm really into asian looking animals
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
