Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
