You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.