I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once