if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction