Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Send us your Text From Last Night!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime