Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.