yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"