i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."