we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Send us your Text From Last Night!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know