just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer