so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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