He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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