Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.