Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.