Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
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no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.