We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.