His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american