You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances