I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever