I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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