I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.