He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral