i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me