we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.