i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.