Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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i would one night stand the shit outta him
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines