More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'