Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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