Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.