Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?