Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.