he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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