Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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