I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
