Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...