We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.