Texts From Last Night

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(612): View more from Minnesota

life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.

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(612): life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix. http://tfl.nu/ht0i

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(214): View more from Texas

The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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(214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8

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(843): View more from South Carolina

did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?

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(843): did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity? http://tfl.nu/ve53

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(559): View more from California

That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!

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(559): That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?! http://tfl.nu/5bsv

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(216): View more from Ohio

Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?

(1-216): View more from Ohio

Lol no its called college

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(216): Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER? (1-216): Lol no its called college http://tfl.nu/1cpq

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(817): View more from Texas

i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole

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(817): i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole http://tfl.nu/vkxw

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(250): View more from British Columbia

note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...

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(250): note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex... http://tfl.nu/vx0w

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(314): View more from Missouri

i wish starbucks made bloody marys

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(314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees

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(201): we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees http://tfl.nu/26hp

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(917): View more from New York City

I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.

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(917): I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina. http://tfl.nu/mdvg

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(816): View more from Missouri

I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants

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(816): I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants http://tfl.nu/4wl5

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(650): View more from California

Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.

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(650): Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot. http://tfl.nu/4k0i

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(804): View more from Virginia

It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand

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(804): It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand http://tfl.nu/mvz9

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(818): View more from California

I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.

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(818): I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever. http://tfl.nu/1b0y

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(360): View more from Washington

is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?

(503): View more from Oregon

Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?

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(360): is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect? (503): Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam? http://tfl.nu/p9dl

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