Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
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she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.