only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.