So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard