I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...