He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way