How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention