First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect