Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like