Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
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You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All the doctor said was why
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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