Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.