her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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