He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"