Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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