My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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