well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.