We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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