It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
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You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love