Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.